Flynn

And then there was Flynn. Born in 1979 in Massapequa, NY, Flynn almost went to High School with Jerry Seinfeld. Poor Flynn was 14 short years too late. It was that near miss that inspired him to go into comedy. Flynn also almost went to school with Steve Gutenberg. Poor Flynn was 14 short years too late. It was that near miss that inspired Flynn to go into “comedy”. At the age of three, Flynn started wearing glasses, inspiring the nickname “Nerdy Kid with Glasses” that has stuck with him throughout the rest of his 22 years. In junior high, he became interested in theater. His first and most literary role came in the spring of his 7th grade year when he had the privilege of playing John Barsad (not to be confused with John Bastard whom he portrays on and off to this day) in the theatrical version of Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities. It was certainly the age of incredulity.

High school came and went with many incidents and reflections. But four years later, Flynn found himself at Duke University in the quaint little sprawl known as Durham, or “Derm”, North Carolina. T.J. Monkey’s precursor, D.U.I., had barely been weaned when Flynn became its first member to get in based on talent rather than boredom, dorm room location, or proclivity for Snapple. Flynn was unfairly type cast as the bitter, angry, jaded Jew by a bunch of goody-two-shoes, goyim who were too “sensitive” to have real opinions or principles. Tension mounted within the group after the release of Flynn’s controversial rap debut “F-ck the Audience”. He still holds a grudge.

But the bonds between members of the not-yet-founded T.J. Monkeys were too strong to be broken by mere words; these were triple covalent bonds, each Monkey sharing three of its electrons with the next. “Nothing, not even Yoko” would break them up, Flynn was once quoted as saying. When asked if instead of Yoko one introduced Jessica Simpson into the mix, Flynn replied, “Oh, yeah, that would probably do it.”

And then it happened. T.J. Monkeys was founded. Of course, Flynn wasn’t within 200 miles of it. In fact, he didn’t even know about it for weeks, and wasn’t “invited” to join, for a few months. You see, Flynn was still in Derm, larnin’ hisself from books. Then he wrote a Thought. Just a little wordplay, nothing serious. On Logic, it’s called, and no one has, as of yet, understood it. Then he moved to New York City and got a job filling out PCT reports. No, not TPS reports of Office Space fame, but actual PCT reports. This is funny because it is true. From there, his intellect snowballed. Thoughts were written, his personal page started getting longer, little green flags whispering “Top 50” infrequently dotted the landscape. But the color scheme was unbalanced. It needed, well, it needed red. Red “Top 10” flags. And nothing else would do. Finally, in the crowning glory of his existence, he made it. The Top 10. The cream of the newly harvested Monkey brain grain. Not just 1 Thought, but 3 Thoughts. All in the Top 10. And none of them were that one did with Scott on milkshakes and babies or whatever. He burst with pride. Literally. It was messy. He is survived by himself, three cacti, and a moth he accidentally trapped under a glass.