I would like to publicly state, here and now, my outrage at the fine restaurant community. In an age where our streets are polluted with chemicals aimed at ensnaring our youth, where it has become all too easy for the weak-minded to be allowed to stumble through life in a torpid stupor, where poor souls can buy faux happiness for mere hundreds – in this age, these establishments are allowed to operate, unchecked.
I am referring, you must have realized, to drugs. What you may not realize, however, is that the so-called fine restaurant community is contributing to this national scourge. Disguised in the form of a salad, a powerful mind-altering and potentially addictive substance is served to those miscreants in-the-know. Time after time I see, unchallenged on menus across the nation, Mescaline Greens.
Doused with the hallucinogen, the greens (or “weeds” as they are commonly called) are haphazardly thrown together with bits of Peyote cactus. The taste is mostly, and not surprisingly, bitter. Yet prevalence of Mescaline Greens seems to grow, and this has got to stop! Whether serving the underground mescaline-freak community or hooking unwitting innocents, the fine restaurant establishments are not as fine as we thought. No, indeed the filth and dirt has stained has made them downright gritty. Gritty.
So consider your cover blown, gritty, dirty, restaurants! We are on to your little game. But, it is no game at all, but a serious infraction on society! I say boycott! Boycott these establishments! Say no to Mescaline Greens!
Oh, what’s that? It’s Mesclun Greens? Mesclun, not Mescaline?
Oh – nevermind.