I just ate the last Nilla Wafer. Somehow he tasted just a bit better than all of his brothers, which I had also eaten. I miss him. I never had the presence of mind to name him in life, but in death I shall call him Stu. Stu, Nilla Wafer of Nilla Wafers.
I remember the way you looked at me; all 3.75 grams of you. Such a cute little guy, with that little nick in your side, and coated with crumbs from the bottom of the bag. You knew you were irresistible. Everybody knew. But you held out, digging your way to the bottom, positioning yourself to be the ultimate wafer. You knew your sacrifice would mean the most, because unlike your each of your brethren, you would be the one to remain on my lips. You were such a smartie, and yet you weren’t at all. You were a Nilla Wafer. You were the Nilla Wafer, Stu. The.
So long, Stu! We had a good time, you and I! Will I ever see you again? Perhaps I will, on the other side. Of the firmament. Not my digestive tract. Rarely in the life of a man does a wafer come along so Nilla-ey as you. For me, you were that wafer, Stu. Know that you made a difference, and will never be replaced.
Hey look, Nutter Butters!