There’s an old woman who sits on the same corner ever day. Day in, day out, she sits there on that corner in the shadow of a Mexican restaurant. I see her fairly often, whenever I happen to pass that corner. And she’s always there, looking like a grandma ready for church, but not a nice grandma. More like a stern, hardened grandma. A grandma who’s maybe seen combat. And she’s always holding a sign that reads:
War is not the answer,
Justice not revenge.
I pass this woman with her sign, as I said, pretty regularly. And each time I pass it, I puzzle. What does this sign actually mean? What is she getting at with her Gandhiesque vigil? So I decided, what the hell, let’s ask her:
Me: Excuse me ma’am.
–silence–
Me: Ma’am. Excuse me.
–silence–
Me: Um, hello? Ma’am, I’d like to ask you about your sign.
Her: Well, as long as it’s about the sign. This is a silent protest. I’m not supposed to be blabbing on and on. But if it’s about the sign, fine.
Me: Well, ma’am, I suppose I am pretty confused about you sign.
Her: Confused?
Me: Yes ma’am. I understand the whole “War is not the answer” part. I don’t know if I necessarily agree with it – it’s difficult to imagine any kind of peaceful action that could deter our enemies from their apparent goal, i.e. our utter annihilation. That being said, it’s the next part the puzzles me.
Her: The next part?
Me: Yes, ma’am. Of the sign.
Her: Ah.
Me: Well, when I read the sign as a whole, I get the impression that you mean to convey that war is not the answer, and in a similar fashion, justice is not revenge.
Her: No.
Me: Of course not, ma’am. No one needs to advertise that justice is not revenge, just like no one needs to advertise that bathing suits are not porcupines. What a waste of good poster board.
Her: I completely agree.
Me: But then what are you saying?
Her: I-
Me: That was hypothetical, ma’am. You are obviously saying that our collective goal should be justice. We should not desire revenge, for revenge corrupts the soul and decays the moral fabric that holds our society together, erodes the very essence that separates us from those who wish to destroy is.
Her: Yes! Yes, that’s it exactly!
Me: Then ma’am, add a comma, and maybe the word “seek.” Perhaps consider making it two independent sentences. “War is not the answer. Seek justice, not revenge.” That would make it crystal, ma’am. Crystal
Her: You weren’t confused at all, were you?
Me: Well, no ma’am, I suppose I wasn’t.
Her: You just wanted to fix the grammar on my sign, didn’t you?
Me: Well, umm, yeah. Yes ma’am.
She then proceeded to beat me with her umbrella. Oh, did I mention she knits? I didn’t know either, until about then when she tried to stab me with her needles. Lucky for me I was able to sweep the leg and duck into a crowd of tourists. She’d never follow me there. Besides having to leave her ideological post, even grandmas hate tourists.