continued…
The term “Pre-relationship” can be misleading. According to my definition, the Pre-relationship never implies that an actual Relationship may evolve (and, to a greater extent, flourish) from that stage. Quite to the contrary, most of the cases I have studied have been what I refer to as “duds”. A “dud” is an un-reciprocated encounter where the man woos and the woman rebuffs, rejects, or ignores. Film romance has increased the already prevalent problem of the dud from Pre-relationship.
The modern adolescent male learns the gentle art of courtship, as all generations have, from popular media. At one time, this was William Shakespeare, Henry James, or Cary Grant. Now our romantic role models range from Richard Gere and Sam Malone to John Cusack and Samuel “Screech” Powers. Film, in particular, has irreparably skewed the modern young man’s courting ability. As shown above, creativity is highly valued in films as a source of new and exciting romantic interludes. To take it one step further, movies show us that strange and eccentric behavior is endearing and romantic, letting a girl know how much you care for her while highlighting your special qualities. This is a darling ideal that unfortunately has little clout in the real world. Finding where your crush works and showing up there with a picnic lunch and a pet newt dressed in surf shorts is romantic in a film. In real life, it would label the practitioner “creepy”. In fact, this is a common disparity. Quirky romance in film often means real-life stalker-like and alarming behavior. It rarely (and in my own research never) yields success. Standing outside a girl’s window with a boom box playing “In Your Eyes” is more likely to get you arrested than win any hearts. Women will deny this in the hypothetical, yet be first to the phone in the actual.
Many modern males cannot separate reality from fiction in this instance. All they see is success with women, and they are willing to imitate anything to achieve their ends. Perhaps it is the romantic comedy and not the violent video game that should be blamed for an increase in observed teenage “depravity”. Drugs and alcohol are an easy ways to kill the sting of embarassment, and who wouldn’t have sex at any opportunity, knowing full well the sheer luck involved in creating that and any other opportunity.
The effect of modern film on the Pre-relationship is a threatening one. Perhaps it is the responsibility of Hollywood to curb the use of “quirky courting” and start owning up to their responsibility make art (i.e. imitating real life). Perhaps the burden lies with the country’s parents and teachers, regulating exposure at an early age and reinforcing a love and appreciation for simple flowers, sonnets, and mixed CDs. Whatever the solution(s), we must curb lavish expectation and oddball stunts before it’s too late, and we, as a society, wallow deeper in our collective unhappiness.
Of course we could employ these same tactics to regulate population control. But that’s for the policy makers to decide.