Dearest Penny,
Thank you for not posting bail. I needed this time for me. I know I said a lot of things I didn’t mean during the hearing, but that was just the epinephrine talking. Anarchy is a tough broad, Penny, but then again, so are you. I guess that’s why I love you so much. I have two loves, each very powerful. One is you, of course. And the other is firebombing pillars of the Establishment. And since this bullshit society reviles bigamy, I can only marry one. For now anyway. When we finally win and Society crumbles, I can have as many wives as I please. And you as many husbands. But until then, while the shackles of Order bind me, I choose you, Penny. I choose you.
Marry me. I know I never really believed in it before, marriage – or love – since it’s been twisted and contorted by Society into a horned lizard, preaching about materialism and false notions of fidelity. But that is because I only knew what They wanted me to know about love. My head has risen above their smog of lies and into the clear, blue truth. What I feel is Luv, not “love” as we know it, as we have been force-fed it with the eyedropper of Control! I regurgitate and purge myself of “love”, and drink deep draughts of Luv! The Luv in my heart is overpowering my righteous pride that would ordinarily prevent me from entering into any kind of pact or oath, for I believed only in the Pact of Disorder. Until now. So marry me. You only need to agree and we’re married. Who needs a ceremony? Religion? Law? Family? These things squelch and mock our true Luv for one another.
I won’t lie, if I had it to do all over again, I’d still blow up that bookstore. They’re gonna try to tell you it was premeditated, but how could you believe that? Why would such a pure and complete Anarchist plan anything? It’s against the Nothing we stand for! No, I carry explosives around because I’m volatile in nature (we all should be really; following impulses, living without Shackles in harmony and happiness). You know I could go off at any moment – why wouldn’t I have enough caps, fuses, and plastique to take out half a dozen Starbucks within minutes? So when I happen to walk into a bookstore and see an entire Anarchy section of books, I expectedly snap. It’s like someone kicked me really hard right in the plums of Freedom, and squashed those plums so that the Liberty juice drips down, wasted on the parquet floor of Slavery. Penny, you understand don’t you, baby? They were lined up, the books. In alphabetical order! What else could I do?
I remember you said that’s what you Luved about me, that night we went to that comedy show on 11th Street. You said I was so spontaneous, that you never did stuff like that, just going to a show without planning it out. Well, Penny, you didn’t know the half of it! No, no you didn’t know the sixteenth of it! Now you do. When we’re married, joined by the everlasting Luv of our collective Free Will, you’ll be endlessly happy. We’ll spontaneously hack into the credit system and eradicate debt. We’ll dump sludge over a crowd of theater patrons without a moment’s notice. We’ll see a movie on a Monday night. In the theater!
Go ahead, put it on. With this hemp garter belt I thee wed. Our Luv will forever be bound in that hemp, woven from Nature herself and destined to grace your thigh. Like our inevitable Freedom from the Fetters of the Man and his Wife!
I can’t wait to see you. When you visit, could you try to sneak me some C4? They make us line up in number order at role call. I can barely write I’m twitching so hard.
Luv,