It comes as no surprise, I’m sure, that there is a huge population of America-haters out there. These people tend to resent our wealth and commercial influence, despise our ethnocentric policies, burn our flag, and blow our stuff up.
And if you think some more, it should come as no surprise that there is also a large population of America-lovers out there. These people risk life and limb to come here. They hide under car seats, walk hundreds and hundreds of miles, or float days on pieces of wood, just to come here. Perhaps I’m naïve, but that speaks of at least a great like for America.
Well, we’ve got two groups here. One loves. One hates. Oh what to do, what to do. I know! Let’s get these two groups of people together. They can have a huge conference in, oh, Switzerland? Sure, why the hell not, Switzerland. They’re neutral. So they get together and hash it out. Five days of debate, hypotheticals, statistics, and a fist fight or thirty.
And after the dust clears, what will we have? Well, ideally they’ll even out. The American Sentiment pH should equal 7.0. The lovers and the haters cancel each other out. No one wants to risk their life to sneak into America, and no one wants to blow it up. Everybody wins!
So there it is, folks. . Little plan, I set you free! Fly! Fly away and help humanity! I am now officially part of the solution. I won’t even insist on taking credit for this one. I’m that sure it’ll work. Although, I won’t ignore any credit that happens to come my way.
I can practically taste that Nobel Peace Prize! Bishop Tutu, eat your heart out!