I don’t spend a lot of time speculating on the various comings and goings of the Devil. I mean, the way I see it he can do his thing and hopefully I can do mine and ideally we won’t have to meet too often. You know, maybe just the occasional fiddle contest and nothing more.
Nonetheless, I really do hope that the Devil has a sense of humor/irony and that he at least puts some creativity in his work. I mean, if I went to Hell and it was really all just really hot and people like whipped you or something I’d be really disappointed. Disappointed obviously because I’d been condemned to eternal damnation but also disappointed because if you’re gonna be tormented forever you’d at least like to see some effort put into the operation.
If the situation arose, I would want my Hell experience to be one tailored to me. You know, I’d like to see a Hell that’s filled with Mountain Dew bottles that can’t possibly be opened. Or it could be filled with pretty girls who would come talk to me and then I’d be me and naturally they would become very confused as to how I could suck so bad at talking and then they’ll go hook up with some jerk and then come back and complain to me about it. You know, the kind of Hell where you’d tip your hat to the Devil and say “Zing! You got me!”
If damnation is handled creatively I have one small request. I came up with a Hell for Joni Mitchell fans that I think is worthy of the Devil. This is of course not to say that all Joni Mitchell fans should go to Hell. I know very few big Joni Mitchell fans but I’m sure that many of them are quite nice. However, there’s gotta be at least one evil Joni Mitchell fan who has merited eternal punishment and when he/she dies this is what I want them to see:
A big empty parking lot.
Then they’ll panic and go “Oh no, it really happened! They paved paradise and put up a parking lot! They actually did it! The prophet Joni Mitchell foretold it correctly! How could we allow this to happen?! You fools!” And then if there were any Joni Mitchell fans that were also really into Planet of the Apes you could also have the top of the Statue of Liberty sticking out just to really mess with their heads.
And yes, for all you stodgy Hell traditionalists, the parking lot could be really, really hot.