This Thought is dedicated to TheTownFetus in our boards and to all the hard working men and women in America’s car port contruction business.
Ok, so I promised the members of our Boards a new thought by Wednesday. And I had a great one – on car ports! I mean, it’s not a garage, it’s not just leaving your car outside – it’s a car port! It’s like, some people started building a garage and they built supports and a roof and then they were like, “Man, this is tiring, let’s go watch football.” And voila! The car port is born. Well, anyway, I digress – let’s just say that the car port Thought clearly had enormous humor potential and would likely have been developed into a screenplay.
So I was all set to write it, right? I had taken Wednesday off from work and was up early working on my hobby – manufacturing crystal methamphetamine in my bathroom. Let me tell you – great hobby, if you’re looking. Everything you could want – the satisfaction of creating something new, the convenience of working on it in your own home, and the thrill of trying to get through customs with a Schnauser with a condom full of crystal meth shoved up its butt. It’s all here!! Anyway, I was working on a fresh batch to use for Christmas presents this year when I realized I was out of a key ingredient.
Now, I’m not going to say what this common household product is that I use in case there are any impressionable young children out there who might try to start their own meth labs. So, I’ve celverly disguised it for the purposes of this thought. So, anyway, I needed to go out to purchase some more “cat poison” (wink, wink), and then I was going to write this Thought.
Off I went to the store to pick up the “cat poison.” Well, on the sidewalk, I ran into my friend Walter who makes independent films. He said he was making this great new movie and he thought I would be perfect in the role of “Busty Cheerleader #1.” At first I was hesitant, but then I realized it was a great step up from the best role I had played to date, that of “Busty Catholic Bishop #1.” So, I decided I’d make this short film, but then I really had to write this Thought.
Walter said that before we went to the location shoot he had to pick up a yak. Apparently, there was a scene where the busty cheerleaders steal the other team’s yak mascot before the big game. We went to the yak store (yea, I was surprised too) and we rented a yak. The thing was pretty unruly and at one point it kicked Walter right in the shin. As Walter, who is African American, by the way, writhed on the ground clutching his shin in pain, I said, “Yet another sad example of yak on black violence.”
Walter fired me immediately. Which was a good thing, since I really had to get back and write this Thought.
But alas it was not to be!! On my way back to my apartment to write this Thought a swarm of locusts descended on me!! I fought them off, but no sooner had I done that then a swarm of Lotus’ descended on me. It was horrible, a cacophony of beeping, screeching, and revving beat at my ears as the Lotus’ cricled me in a frenzy! Although somewhat more difficult to fend off, I eventually managed it successfully. I shook off the aid of passers-by and once again started back toward my apartment shouting behind me, “Can’t stop – I need to write this Thought!”
Finally, I returned to my apartment, sat down at my computer, cracked my knuckles, and began my pre-writing ritual of checking for email, getting turned on by dirty spam e-mail, and then surfing for porn for an hour. But then! Then, my friends, I started writing this Thought!
This Thought, as you can see, is about car ports.