You know, there are some things you take for granted in life:
- The sun will rise in the East and set in the West;
- Tuesday will follow Monday;
- Chandler will say something witty in this week’s Friends episode;
- and Bouncers are at the front door of bars to ensure that I… or rather my roommate doesn’t hit on 18 year olds.
Isn’t that what they’re there for? To make sure that everyone in said bar is old enough for me-my…. my roommate to buy a drink? To flirt with? To get their number?
Isn’t their very purpose in life to make sure my roommate makes an ass out of my-himself in front of women who are legally mandated to deal with it?
You may say:
“Um, aren’t they there to enforce the drinking age, so that minors don’t come into possesion of evil firewater.”
And I would answer:
“Whatever. A kid’s going to get alcohol if he/she wants it. We all know that. I mean, I went to high school and college. I know what goes on. We’re not that oblivious to the deceptive capabilities of the teenage mind, are we?”
Therefore, the main purpose of the bouncer falls to protecting those of us who have made it to 21 and beyond, who have slaved for years in back rooms and on golf courses illegally honing our drinking skills, who have worked up the courage to approach a girl no matter how many times we’ve been rejected in the past… and who do not want to go to jail for distribution to minors. I mean, Jesus can you help me out here?!
So, brotherhood of bouncers, please provide some help to those of us who can’t help ourselves… theirselves, I…. not me, of course, I hope I made that… I would never hit on a… my roommate is… he appreciates it…yeah, my roommate…