It has come time in the history of this country for a leader that we can depend on for moral integrity, political grit, and one whom we can call “da true motha gansta.” In the long tradition of such presidential greats as Adams, Garfield and Taft, it seems apparent that our next president should be Snoop Doggy Dog.
When asked in an interview years ago if he ever had political inspirations Snoop Dog replied, “Fo sheezy. Oval office and shite is off the heezy. Dizamn.” What grace, what ease; this is the language of the next leader of the free world. We need a president who will not just have one First Lady, but an additional bevy of “First Hoes.” That way there could be an admirable political figure in every city, every town, and every strip club from D.C. to Oaktown. How better to reach out to the people and say, “Y’all mothafuckas are on point.” The duties of the First Hoes could include diplomacy, public motivation speaking, and pole-style column dancing on the front steps of the White House. Soon-to-be former First Lady Hillary Clinton commented in a piece for Time, “I think Snoop and the First Hoes could be what this country needs to pull itself out from the amoral gutter and into a period of true prosperity and affluence. Oh, and they could suck a lot of wang.”
World leaders would take the U.S. more serious than ever with cabinet members having names like “Warren G,” “Flava Flave” and “L’il Bow Wow.” The Attorney General could be No Limit soldier Master P and the Secretary of Education could be Juvenile. The United States would touch more people in positive ways than ever before. We could replace the World Bank and IMF with Jay Z’s slush fund, hollering “Bling bling” all throughout the Third World and the U.N. could meet at the house Hammer had to sell when he went bankrupt.
But best of all, the administration of Snoop would focus on the children. According to Snoop, “Our dilly’s on the trees and the greens. Phat blunts like it was our job, and rollin’ dollo on the biddy tip ’cause we don’t holla fo sheeeet.”
God bless America. God bless the children. Lawn sports at the White House have always seemed so contrived, which is why Snoop would have community block parties every weekend. Kicking back sipping Kool-Aid, checking out the rims on suped up blockade cars, hoochies passing by left and right wearing no more than dental floss, and malt liquor flowing into the mouths of the impressionable youth, that’s America, that’s what President Snoop would ensure. Can President Bush or Clinton hit five hoes in one night, eat some collard greens, and then negotiate the Mid-East peace talks? Okay, maybe Clinton, but Bush? No, way.
Oh, people have always talked about putting the White House on hydraulics, they have requested that Air Force one drop nickel bags of weed as it flies over these lands, they have said that Billy D Williams and that other girl from the Colt 45 commercials should run Congress, but has it happened? No… no it has not. It is time to serve the people. It is is time to reach out to the players and the haters, the bitches and the hoes, the pimps and the homies, it is time. Let us not forget the words of the Constitution of this fair country, “None of y’all can get with this, and none of y’all can get with that, ’cause I never hesitate to put a sucker on his back.” It’s time to live out that dream.