A lot of people these days are all talkin’ about being “Old School” or “Ye Olde Schoole” or even “Viejo Escuela.” How many times have you heard Marky Mark talk about “kicking it Old School”? Like seven times!!! And if Marky Mark is speakin’ the gospel about the Old School, it’s gotta be cool, right? Well, I’m here to tell you, contrary to Markyian thought, the Old School ain’t what it’s cracked up to be. Yeah sure, it might seem cool to be a student of the Old School, but if you haven’t “graduated,” if you know what I’m referrin’ to, and moved on to the “New School,” well then partner, you gots some problems.
First of all, the Old School has got all of these old people in it. If you think about it, going to a school full of people who just couldn’t move on to the next grade pretty much sucks. ‘Cause they’re stupid. Don’t let anyone tell you any different. If you or anyone you know has ever been held back or failed a grade, you/they are dumb. Sorry. That’s just how it is. I personally was held back for 3 years–that’s why I was at the Old School. And let me tell you, I’m neither a spring chicken nor a full deck of cards.
Second of all, think about the teachers. I mean, would you learn anything with Run DMC and Flava Flav teaching your classes? Sure you’d have a great time, but all you would learn about would be the benefits of wearing a clock around your neck. Come on people, are you gonna get into a good college with the members of 2 Live Crew writing your recs? Hellz no! You might swing Compton College, but you know you can’t roll with that shiznit!
Anyway, I’m a friend of the New School. Check it out. They have brand new computers, all the best facilities, and the teachers are great. Last week I had a sweet class with Eminem on Ethics in the Post World War Era. I missed a question on the quiz though. Would you have known who Christina Aguilera gave head to first a) Carson Daly b) Fred Durst? I have no idea! Ah well, you can’t get everything right, right?
So fellow school-type peoples. I beseech you. Leave the Old School behind. Make it not cool to be from that vestigial organ of teaching. Let’s move on, move on to a new way of thinking, a new way of living life. No more of the gold chains and the Adidas sweatpants. From now on, it’s just booty, booty, booty, and maybe a little poppin’ of some caps!
Damn.