It’s amazing that in the months T.J. Monkey’s has been “live” we’ve never discussed this amazing medium that links us to you–the readers. Not too long ago, if I had something amusing to say to the world I would have had to resort to traditional means–strapping dynamite to my body and taking hostages on a plane. Sure, they laughed. But it always seemed a little forced.
Now, however, we have the Internet. The subject of intense debate in our society, the Internet has revolutionized the way we all live our lives. Experts in every field have been touched by the functionality of this amazing network of information and academia is rife with discussion of its virtues:
“The Internet has touched experts in every field with its functionality as an amazing network of information and academia is rife with discussion of its virtues.”
Dr. Thomas Luzhin, University of Moscow
“Computer make funny beeps.”
Willy Pierce, Harold Martin Elementary
Certainly these sorts of comments lead the average intellect (read: you) to think that the Internet is universally good. However, living in a society of instant information has its negatives as well.
For example, do we really want to know everything our government does? Sites such as CNN, the Drudge Report, and Barney.com keep us constantly aware of the latest scandals in goverment. The people’s right, you say? Maybe, but does it make you feel any better to know that the FBI appears to be being run by the cast of “Get Smart”? Frankly, I would rather not have to live with the knowledge that the FBI is apparently too busy talking on their shoe phones in the Cone of Silence with Agent 99 to be tipped off by the fact that top nuclear scientist Wang Fen is spending another summer vacation in Beijing as a guest of Premier Zemin.
Ah, you say, but the Internet encourages peoples from all over the world to express their creativity and exercise freedom of speech. Well, sure, it does, but once again it’s not very encouraging because apparently people best express themselves through naked people. 90% of the Internet appears to be devoted to some form of pornography or another. It seems humanity can’t resist finding ways to use new technology to put up pictures of naked women. I’ll bet few people realize that the other side of that American flag on the moon has a spread from an old Hustler magazine stapled on it.
Meanwhile, the other 10% of Internet sites are devoted to groups of moderately pathetic people desperately trying to reach out for human contact but without having to deal with all the hassle of, you know, human contact. Whether through a personal web page of a chat room, Internet users are able to reach out and tell you that you accidentally logged onto a site that does not feature naked people and that you can find naked people at other sites.
And then there’s T.J. Monkeys. Where do we stand in this crazy melange of information and boobies? Well, we definitely do not feature naked people and believe me, you should all be grateful we don’t. Instead we provide an outlet for free written expression–particularly with a focus on peeing and being drunk.
Mark Twain must be spinning in his grave. Check out the Webcam in his grave: www.marktwaingravecam.com. Me? I’m going to start doing some research into a follow-up article on Internet porn.