All of the people who live above my apartment are really scary. They’re really scary and they do very scary things. Every day and everynight, when the clock strikes 11:11 and 11 seconds I hear a new sound. Sometimes it’s banging. Sometimes it’s screaming. Sometimes it’s Bolton. Michael Bolton. It’s always very frightening.
To be honest, it kinda sounds like they’re building a fort. Not like the little kiddy forts that you used to build as a kid (hence the kiddy part) that your parents made you take down because they couldn’t find a single friggin’ pair of clean sheets in the whole house, but like a real fort. Made of wood. And nails. And EVIL.
When they’re not making gurgling sounds or tap-dancing, they’re usually hammering or skittering across the floor chasing after bouncing balls. When they flush their rocket-powered toilet, I’m always a little worried that one of the huge pipes running inches from my face while I sleep (i have 6 foot ceilings and a four-foot tall bed) will burst all of a sudden, and I will be coated with the evil-laden excrement of fort-building freaks.
Today, I decided that I would go up and confront these denizens of Satan and find out exactly what was going on. I knocked on the door. Tap. Tap. Tap. The tension built, and I could hear violas and cellos crescending on a slightly off-pitch note. I could tell that something bad was going to happen. Mostly from the ominous music, but also from my finely tuned bad-things-are-afoot sense. The door creaked open and there IT was! It was the most hideous thing I had ever seen. I ran in fear and scrambled down to my basement apartment and started writing this Thought. OK, first I went to the bathroom and fixed myself a sandwich. Then, I started writing this Thought.
What in the world could they have been preparing for, you ask? Nuclear war, you ask? An antrax outbreak, you ask? A return of T.V.’s Full House, I ask? No. Seriously. That wasn’t a rhetorical question. I was hoping y’all would know. Is it true that T.V.’s Full House is coming back on? I really liked that show. Especially the little girl who always said, “How Roood.” I guess it’s impossible actually. There’s no way they could get Dave Coulier. He’s just too big now.
Sorry. I’m still a little shaken up by my encounter. Where were we? Ahhh yes. What was it they were building? What evil bastion of evil things and evil uh, stuff, were they uh… constructing? Hmmm… I’m really sorry you guys. I’m just really actually kind of stuck on this Full House thing. They could totally bring it back.
Michelle is in high school. She meets up with her long-lost twin sister who was switched at birth by Uncle Jesse who was jealous of his sister and Mr. Tanner. D.J. is married and lives next door with Kimmi who is also married. Stephanie is the wild college girl who realizes that her family is what’s truly important and comes to live at home. Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey go back to the airwaves with a hit radio show – Mr. Woodchuck and the Rockin’ Guy. There’s always a conflict, but it always gets resolved by the end of the show. Oh, and they add a new character who is an exchange student from India, we’ll call him, Mupe. He’s loveable, can’t speak English and falls madly in love with Stephanie. How Roood!
Now that would be scary…
Happy Halloween,