What is so special about the check? “Did you get the check?” “Did you already pay the check?” “How long have we been waiting for the check?” How elusive a mistress this wonderful bill is. Yet, it is not simply the bill itself that causes so much consternation. It’s all about presentation.
You remember the Seinfeld bit about receiving the check in a little folder, so that in order to pay you must open up the booklet and read “The Story of The Bill”. Why are people so secretive about the check? Are restaurants that ashamed about asking us to pay for our food that they have to dress it up to look like a fun activity? “We wouldn’t trouble you if it weren’t for this wonderful treat we have stumbled upon. We don’t know what’s inside, but it must be delightful!” Then they scurry off, and we find out that inside this tiny envelope is, dare I say it, a bill for our food! I’m usually furious when this happens.
ME (to WAITER, who has returned)
I gotta tell you, the food was good. I just didn’t expect to have to give you anything in exchange for it. (Obviously, I’m furious)
WAITER (to me)
No, no, no, sir. It wasn’t my idea-
Me (to WAITER, sharply)
Ah. That’s enough. (WAITER walks away with head drooping)
Not all restuarants treat the bill the same way though. That little billfold, that I just described, is usually found in mid-range establishments: the Chili’s of the world. Some of the cheaper places, diners and such, give you the check, but make sure to turn it upside down before they place it on your table. The waiter rips the check off his little pad, gingerly bringing it down to the level of the table. Then, at the last moment, he flips it, turning it upside down! You don’t know what you’ve got on your hands! It would have been crass for him to leave the bill right side up, with that horrible number staring back up at us. “Pay me,” whines the check. “Pay $26.72.” I have to shield my eyes from the disgusting thing. If I had only had some time to prepare for how much I had to pay. A little decompression time, before turning it over.
Now, the really upscale restaurants don’t make any bones about it. Usually, they present the check to you on a little trey, with the bill facing up. They know their food is good and that it’s gonna cost ya, so we all might as well get it over with. I like to think that at elite, exclusive restaurants they just have the waiter come by your table at the end of your meal, appraise all the dishes and what you have eaten, and then give you an estimate on how much it’s gonna cost – all the while picking grease from under his fingernails with a screwdriver.