I don’t remember people’s names very well. In fact, you could call me a virtual doo-doo-brain when it comes to recalling people-who-I-haven’t-seen-in-a-while. Now, you might be saying to yourself (as many of my Thoughts lead to deep introspection and painful self-actualization), “But Nupe, I too have a problem remembering people’s names; what makes you so special?”
Well, aside from my playful wit and generally glowing demeanor, I mostly have a problem remembering people’s names who I really should know. You know, like your roommate in summer camp, the guy/girl you dated in high school, Mom; like, stuff you should really remember when sober.
Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s really not that big of a deal. So what? So, you don’t remember the person’s name who you were like, totally best friends with on that field trip to Colonial Williamsburg, who gives a patootie?
I don’t even think you should try to hide it by saying things like, “Hey… YOU! How have you been? That’s great! It’s so good to see you. Give me a call sometime… Take care, now.” Who wants to be called “you”? There’s nothing worse than getting called a pronoun.
Lately, I’ve just taken to calling people famous names, you know, so they feel special. I especially like to do this when it’s someone who remembers your name (which, when you have a name that rhymes with Poop is pretty often) because you can’t act like you don’t know their name when they know yours. For example:
“Hey Nupe.”
“Hey Napoleon. How’s the whole world domination thing going?”
“My name’s Mike. Why’d you call me Napoleon?”
“Uh… Look over there!” (point over his shoulder, proceed to run away)
Oh, man does that just make people smile.
Other good people interaction skills include showering, actually remembering peoples names/birthdays/anniversaries/bra size/cup size/etc., and giving out candy. Nothing brings people together better than candy.