Intrigued by the title of this Thought? Hoping you’ll find the answers to all of your troubles in the following paragraphs? Wishing I would quit it already with the rhetorical questions and get to the point? Wondering if your wish will ever be granted? Disappointed that I’m still going with all the damn questions? Getting angry and ready to click over to another website or at the very least to one of Porter’s or Flynn’s Thoughts?
OK! Please wait! Don’t leave! I’m sorry. I’ll get on with it.
I realized recently that there are only two things in life that you need to fix any problem. One works in the realm of the mechanical, the other comes into play in difficult social situations. As long as you have these two things with you at all times, you’ll be able to repair any machine breakdown or social conundrum.
For all your mechanical problems, always have a roll of duct tape on hand. Many of you may be confused because you don’t know what duct tape is. This might be because you always thought it was called DUCK tape. Well, it’s not. It’s duct tape, but it doesn’t only work on ducts. This silver roll of adhesive goodness can be used to fix it all. Ducts, bike handles, tears in a box, pulled threads, wounded ducks. It can be used to hang posters or pictures or mirrors or chandeliers. For the ladies out there, you can even use it for at-home bikini waxes (though Sean has told me he doesn’t recommend that practice…I don’t know why).
So, yeah, duct tape. Use it to fix anything that’s broken.
For social situations, duct tape rarely works. Maybe you could tape someone’s mouth shut if they were really annoying, but, in general, duct tape won’t do the job. Hence you need the other half of this problem-fighting pair: Mentos.
Yes, that’s right. The little chewable candy. I think mint’s the original, and perhaps most powerful flavor, but presumably any variety will work. You’ve seen the commercials. Mentos can get you out of any jam. It can give you the strength to pick up cars and park in really small spaces. It can get you into restricted areas and allow you to rub elbows with the upper crust. It’s downright glorious.
And there you have it, kids. Follow my advice about duct tape and Mentos, and the world will be a better place. Well, at least for you it will be, which is all you care about, right? No, no, wait. That’s selfish. Let me add some more brief words of wisdom and kindness before you go on your merry way.
When you use your newfound powers of problem fixin’, remember to help others who are less fortunate than you. Spread the duct tape-Mentos doctrine to all you encounter and bring a smile to the collective face of humanity.
While you’re all doing that, I’m going to return to the research project I’m currently working on to make problem solving even easier:
Duct tape flavored Mentos…