Sure, I’ve played a glockenspiel, I’ve eaten a smorgasbord, and I’ve even gotten an electroencephalogram.
But this thought has little else to do with the first half of its title. Very little else.
What this thought is really about is a concept I’ve been devising. It’s called the Google Number One Hit Index (abbr. GNOHI). You may have noticed that several T.J. Monkey’s thoughts, such as On Pete’s Canadian Girlfriend, and On Existentialism in Round, will appear on the top of the list if you type their exact titles into the Google search bar. I have aptly named such Google Number One Hit Pieces GNOHP’s.
Well, the GNOHI is simply expressed as the percentage of pieces on a site that are GNOHP’s.
Obviously, any piece of work featured on a site that is attempting to maximize its GNOHI, and that isn’t itself a GNOHP, is called a WAWAWAWAIMOG (Wasted Attempt When All We Are Working At Is Maximizing Our GNOHI).
In other words, the GNOHI equals the number of GNOHPs divided by the sum of the GNOHPs and the WAWAWAWAIMOGs, multiplied by 100. (It is safe to assume that every item that is not a GNOHP is essentially a WAWAWAWAIMOG. After all, if you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.)
I will submit GNOHI to dictionary.com’s renowned acronym-finder, and soon thereafter the concept of GNOHI should be part of basic human knowledge, and perhaps even part of a zeitgeist or two.
After all, in the struggle to maintain prosperity in today’s burgeoning Internet, I think a fine measurement of the success of any website that consists of a collection of works is its GNOHI.
Accordingly, I encourage all T.J. Monkey’s writers to rarify the words of their Thoughts’ titles, so we can maximize our website’s GNOHI. I’ve decided to set an example with this very thought by making it a would-be GNOHP, even without the inclusion of the words “GNOHI, GNOHPs and WAWAWAWAIMOGs” in the title.
Lord knows I don’t wanna be the idiot responsible for sending in a bunch of lame-ass WAWAWAWAIMOG’s.