What is a date?
This is a question that often comes up in conversation between myself and a friend of mine, whom we’ll call Liz…maybe that’s her name, maybe it’s not. I’ll keep you guessing.
Anyways, Liz and I often debate whether there is a set definition for this oldest of societal rituals. What makes a date a date? I decided to do some research to answer this question.
Back in Ancient Egypt where dates first originated, dating was a religious ritual. A couple would go on a date with the advent of the new moon to celebrate the coming harvest. They might go climb a pyramid, sacrifice a virgin or try to catch Steven Soderbergh’s new film Traffic. The movie was usually sold out. After the climbing or sacrificing, they’d retire to Pharaoh’s House of Pancakes (PHOP) for a late dinner and some scintillating conversation.
In American Colonial times, things changed a bit. There was less pyramid climbing, and there were fewer virgin sacrifices, although people still tried to watch Traffic. It was still sold out. The main difference between Ancient Egyptian dating and American Colonial dating was the increase in shooting at redcoats. Of course, there’s nothing like killing a Brit to spark some great talks, so this was a burgeoning dating epoch.
Now, we come to modern times. People are still standing in line for Traffic, but luckily there’s somewhat less gunplay than during the American Revolution. Pyramids and pancakes are back in however. It’s amazing how some things make retro comebacks. Talking to each other directly is out, while communicating via cell phone, palm pilot or AOL IM is all the rage. Putting your hands in each other’s back pockets, out. Putting your tongues in each other’s mouths, in.
So, there we are. Some interesting characteristics from what I determined to be the three Golden Ages of dating.
Now what does all this research mean?
Well the upshot seems to be that a date must involve waiting in line to watch Traffic, but then not actually getting in to see said movie.
A date might also involve gun play, but in the end a good one probably shouldn’t.
Any date that involves virgin sacrifices is neither inherently good nor bad. It could go either way.
And finally, to insure a good date, work on that tongue thing. It’s the coolest…