- When Jesus talked about turning your cheek to your enemy after he hit the first one, it was because he wanted to get hit twice. Then his face would swell up like a chipmunk. From this passage we are supposed to learn that Jesus loved chipmunks.
- When Jesus made the few loaves of bread feed thousands it was because he broke up the bread into tiny, tiny bites. Jesus hated big bites. We should too.
- Jesus told us to love our neighbor because he knew that neighbors always have stuff that you do not, like olives, lamb’s blood, or power screwdrivers. These are things we might need at different times.
- When Jesus said that the Kingdom of God was at hand, he was referring to the pick-up basketball game going on in downtown Nazareth, because God had next. God always has next.
- The part about the meek inheriting the Earth is true. Because when the Earth is ready to be passed down, the only ones left will be the meek. Everyone else will have left because they thought they were alone. They did not notice the meek, because they are meek.
- Jesus turned water into wine. This requires no explanation.
- When the prodigal son returned his father threw a party for him even though he had spent all of the latter’s wealth. This reminds me of a number of a number of good 80’s movies, only in those the kid always had to find some miraculous way to trick his parents so they don’t find out that he had some big party or spent a bunch of money. The prodigal son is like the best 80’s movie ever. Never forget the lessons of the 80’s.
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