Hello, Ms. Lucinda Harwood. I could not help but notice your fetching name badge, which accents the amber of your tortoise shell spectacle rims, which in turn brings out the ochre flecks in your eyes. May I have the exquisite privilege of introducing myself? My given name, as you can read here on my lapel, is Michael Warren Albanese. However, on this circuit I am known by most as the Forensics Dreamboat. Believe me, Ms. Harwood – may I call you Lucinda? – Lucinda, it is then. Now believe me, fair Lucinda, I would never be so crass as to provide myself with such a pseudonym. No, it was bestowed upon me by your peers (if they can be truly called so!). However, despite my initial reluctance, I have grown fond of the gross exaggeration. Who am I to contend with the will of women? Well, besides the captain of West Elkville High School’s three-time state champion Debate and Oration Team, I am no one.
I notice by your MacLean of Duart Tartan that you hail from Sacred Heart. Have I surmised correctly? Splendid. Although, may I be candid for a moment? I must tell you the uniform does not do you justice. What a shame that a girl of such raw beauty must have her soul held hostage. It is a question worthy of my oratory talents; who is the greater victim? You, the girl who must stifle her outer beauty, or the rest of the world, and particularly me, who may only wonder how much more breathtaking you would be if left to your own devices? Ah, but perhaps the world is better off without such an exquisite distraction.
Well, I suppose it all depends on which card I draw: Pro or Con. wink
Allow me to refresh your beverage. Dr. Pepper is it? There you are. You sip like a butterfly.
I don’t mind telling you, Lucinda, I am thankful we never met at the podium, for your charm would have disarmed me and prevented me from once again earning the three-tiered Eloquence Trophy. A mere bauble, really, the trophy. This particular one will ruin the symmetry of my bedroom. But the honor I appreciate. My tongue would have been tied in so many knots, like the rigging of Darwin’s ship, the HMS Beagle. May I inquire as to what the blue ribbon is for? Ah, wonderful, I am glad to see those louts from Schriber were knocked down a peg. And the topic? Hmm, interesting. Do libraries have a moral/ethical obligation to protect children from indecent material? Well, do they? Aha ha ha, no, let’s leave the debate on the debating floor. There is much more interesting material right here where we stand.
Hmm, what bad timing. Well, if your bus is going, you can’t very well miss it. I wouldn’t dream of keeping you. But please, may we continue this dialogue over the internet? May I have you email and/or IM? LuceBrat87, L-U-C-E. And mine is 4N6Dreamboat. That’s four, the letter “n”, six, dreamboat. I had a lovely time, Lucinda. I hope to see you online, and, hopefully, at the Charmichael tournament next month. With that I kiss your hand and say adieu.