Writing for T.J. Monkey’s has instilled in me a palpable respect for hot dog manufacturers. Coming up with ideas and fleshing out Thoughts, I really identify with the difficulty of including only prime, grade-A material. That’s why, like hot dog manufacturers, we here at T.J. Monkeys use a good amount of filler.
Take this Thought (On Brown Shoes and Black Pants) by Porter:
Well, brown shoes is doing better now. They’re seeing a pair of shorts these days. It’s fun. A summer fling. They never really get too close, but maybe that’s best. Brown shoes don’t need any more heartache. Maybe one day, a pair of pants will come along rat eyes that really understands brown shoes. Maybe. But brown shoes are getting scuffed. They’ve needed new soles for a while. It might be pretty much over for brown shoes.
Did you catch that? They’re rare, but nonetheless there are indeed rat eyes in that Thought.
While it’s unavoidable to have filler in Thoughts, only one percent of T.J. Monkey’s Thoughts contain rat parts. Most of the time we use far more palatable filler:
Do you know kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp religion kelp kelp kelp kelp Kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp kelp Jesus
As you can tell, Bret is particularly fond of using seaweed as filler. It contains no harmful chemicals and has seven essential vitamins, not to mention anti-oxidants. So even though it’s cheap filler, it’s good for you. And that’s what we want you to think T.J. Monkey’s is all about.
We are also experimenting with new and different types of filler:
The thing I hate most about snipers is the damned attitude. I mean, yeah, they’re really good a shooting. What marksmen! Great. But then they don’t even have the decency to come back down to our level, to really look us in the eye. It’s like they think they’re all better than us, perched up there in their damned towers.
Anger really makes great filler. I think it’s my favorite type. Such texture and bite. Of course, it does slowly eat away your insides, but the adrenaline sting is so worth it!
Like in a good hot dog, the filler in T.J. Monkey’s is never noticeable. All the funny mustard we pour over our Thoughts, all the witty sauerkraut, all the silly pickles masks any of that filler flavor.