As the Holiday Season approaches, I feel it is time for me to give my gift to all of T.J. Monkey’s loyal readers out there.
No, it’s not an O-Town CD or a Harry Potter stuffed animal. What I have for you is something far more valuable than those silly, materialistic things.
I am going to provide you with the answers to life’s most difficult questions. Do you have a pen and paper? You’re going to want to write this down.
Ready? OK. Here goes:
- Yes.
- Yes.
- No.
- 7.
- Seven (not to be confused with No. 4).
- Lamb’s wool.
- See No. 5, but not No. 4.
- Judy Garland and Liza Minelli.
- Thursday, January 19th.
- Any of several elementary particles that are postulated to come in pairs (as in the up and down varieties) of similar mass with one member having a charge of + 2/3 and the other a charge of – 1/3 and are held to make up hadrons.
- Um…yes?
- You betcha.
- 2 * (sqrt 3).
- Chocolate milk.
- The egg.
So, there they are. The answers to life’s 15 most vexin’ and perplexin’ questions.
This is highly sensitive information, so use it wisely, especially Nos. 4, 5 and 7. They’re doozies.
It would be cooler if they were doozers, those little construction guys from Fraggle Rock. They seemed like solid, hardworking fellas.
Anyways, next Holiday Season I’ll fill you in on what questions these are actually answers to. Classic rule of Internet comedy websites: always leave them wanting more.
Stay tuned…