The commercial states it quite clearly:
“There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s.”
Is that right? No wrong way. Huh. Well, I’ll tell you what. I’ve done some research on the subject, and I happen to think that there is a wrong way.
I started snorting Reese’s about 5 years ago. You know, just on the weekends. Just for fun. But then it became more than that.
I sniffed Reese’s to start the day. I told myself it was just to wake up and get going. Like coffee or something. Then it was during lunch. Then dinner. Then at night, to relax me and help me sleep.
After a month, I was up to 10 packs a day. Of course, that’s 20 Reese’s because there are two per pack.
It got worse and worse after that. As we all know, Reese’s is a gateway candy. It opens the door to a viscious, sugary underground.
Soon I was smoking Clark Bars and shooting up that powder that comes in Pixie Sticks.
Finally, after a weekend of fast cars, loose women, and Hershey Kisses too numerous to count I hit rock bottom.
Having spiraled down into Satan’s very own version of Candyland, I wanted, no, I needed to turn my life around.
I made it to rehab, and thankfully I’ve been off the stuff for a while. It’ll be two years come April.
So, if you ask me “Hey, is there a wrong way to eat a Reese’s?”
I’ll answer: “I could show you about a million wrong ways, Son.”
And then you’ll say: “A million?”
And I’ll respond: “Well, no. That was hyperbole. But I could show you my fair share of ways that are wrong. Dead wrong.”
And you’d say: “Oh.”
What should we, as a society, take away from my experience?
We need to talk to our kids about the dangers of Reese’s.
How different a life I’d lead if someone had been there for me…