I’ve taken to gambling on theater, now.
Ok, not just theater – movies too. The power of gambling just seems to overwhelm me. Sports is one form of entertainment everyone bets on, but I think you’ll find far fewer people bet on theater, movies, music – even Kabuki.
Granted, I’m not very good at it. I lost $30 last week when stupid Lady MacBeth stabbed that guy… AGAIN! I mean, c’mon! She does it, like, every time. What are the odds?! Won’t she ever learn?
And have you seen those Bad News Bears? They suck! They got a fat kid, and a nerd, and their coach is Walter Matthau – could there be a worse combination of athletic skill? Meanwhile, they’re playing the team with all the tall guys who play pro-ball in Cuba or something. But they ALWAYS win! Sounds kinda suspicious to me. Let’s face it, maybe the Cuba kids are the movie equivalent of the Washington Generals – those perennial losers to the Harlem Globetrotters. About the only time I ever win on one of those sports movies is when there’s a team with angels in the outfield or a dog that kicks field goals. But let’s face it, everyone bets on the team with angels on it.
Meanwhile, I am personally completely convinced that William Wallace is point-shaving. I mean, the Scottish guys win their freedom but Wallace gets his intestines pulled out – how do you score that? Sure, put the W in the Scottish column, but do the English manage to cover the spread by killing the Scottish leader?
Then there’s music. Piece of advice: if you are listening to a country song about a guy who loves a girl and a dog, there’s an 87% chance that by the end of the song the girl and the dog will be killed in a tragic Winnebago explosion (or possibly a boat accident). I learned that little lesson to the tune of $400 last week.
All I’m trying to say is that you go into these things thinking that you’ve got a chance, but then you come out of it with your wallet a little lighter every time. But as with most things in life, you can’t rest on your laurels and assume that just because things are going well early in the show it’s over. Like they say, it ain’t over until the fat lady sings.
Especially if its an opera. And I have a second mortgage on my house to back that one up.