I find myself thinking about movie violence alot. Usually when I am stuck in traffic.
What message do we as human beings get from movie violence? Kill your friends! That’s what I get. But I have emotional problems. So do movies.
Let’s face it: we live in a society that is inherently violent. If someone cuts in front of you in line, your first instinct is to stab them to death with a pen. Right? Right?! Anyway, I blame movies for that. Violent movies glorify violence to the moviegoing public – which is completely stupid as evidenced by the fact that people go see movies with Steven Seagal.
Look at movies like “Pulp Fiction,” “Reservoir Dogs,” and “Jurassic Park.” Sure, I hear the arguments about these movies. I hear the bleeding-heart liberals’ arguments – “Guns don’t kill people, dinosaurs kill people.” And then Conservatives start in with the whole, “The Constitution guarantees our right to clone dinosaurs and keep them in our houses to keep the British out. And God help us, if the King of England comes over here and tries to get in MY house and I don’t have a raptor to come eat him.” Now, I hear what you’re saying – England has a Queen right now. But you’re just saying that because you’re a narrow-minded hick. No, you are. Come on! BRING IT!
And you see, just talking about movies has turned me violent. Is that a character flaw inherent within me? Hell no! Why blame myself when I can blame other people? And while we’re at it, I am not too happy with the fact that movies depict an adolescent fantasy world of big guns, fast cars, and easy women. As we all know, guns are SMALL so you can keep them in your pocket, strapped to your ankle, or – if you are a particularly buxom woman – in your cleavage. This puerile fantasy of large weapons detracts from the reality of the fast car and scads of busty, loose women.
But I digress.
In short, people, we need to change our world for the better by stamping out violent movies. That’s where the madness starts and that is where it must end. And you’d better not disagree you brain-dead, countrified rube or I’ll come over there and bust a cap in your ass.
Peace.