T.J. Monkey’s has always been and will always be about breaking down walls. We strive to perform a service for our community by bringing those together who would not ordinarily get along. We don’t build barriers, we build bridges. Where we see strife, we take two different hands and we guide them to clasp each other in friendship. Sometimes, the road is tough and the night is dark, but we persevere.
Today, I am taking on the serious topic of race relations. For too long, these two races have stood apart. They claim the differences were insurmountable. A conflict of geography. A conflict of cultures. A conflict of even their fundamental nature. They say the difference can never be breached. But I say they can! Today, I call on the two races to reconcile.
I dream of a day when these two races will look upon each other with all differences forgotten. When they will stand together proudly in the sun and proclaim that they are indeed one people under God.
I dream… I pray… that someday we will not know them as the Daytona 500 and the Indianapolis 500, but as the Indiantona 1000.
We shall overcome.
The entirety of the preceding Thought and all content, characters, ideas, and punctuation within is entirely the property of the writer and is not authorised for reprint, copy, sale, or commercial use without the express written permission of Major League Baseball and the current U.S. Ambassador to the Holy See.
No puns were harmed in the writing of this Thought.
This Thought has been approved as safe for consumption by the Food and Drug Administration. After extensive testing, the FDA has found that this thought poses no danger to the health and well-being of its readers. It’s a perfectly safe Thought. You could not hurt yourself with this thought if you pasted it onto a knife and threw yourself on the blade.
After reading this Thought you may experience mild side effects such as chest pain, stomach pain, neck pain, fractured ribs, acute intestinal distress, erectile dysfunction, vomiting, the bends, oxygen deprivation, myopia, depression, cheese-fixation, vapor lock, stroke, hypothermia, choking, diabetes, monkey pox, small pox, Pax Romana, electric shock, lupus, irritable bowel syndrome, crack addiction, the Spanish-American war, the Teapot Dome Scandal, tintinnabulation, swimmer’s ear, cauliflower ear, homosexuality, Catholicisim, and flatulence.
But it’s COMPLETELY HARMLESS! We swear.
This Thought is best if read before 2/27/04. It then goes off, but will be good again every 6 weeks unless one of those weeks contains a holiday dedicated to Jesus.
This Thought contains exclamation points which were found to be harmful to lab rats when fashioned out of 30 pound steel blocks dropped onto lab rats.
In order to ensure the best performance of this Thought, it is best to use unleaded gasoline in your car. Do not, however, leave the Thought unattended while you fill your tank. Also, do not buy Tic Tacs when you pay for the gas.
Help! I’ve been kidnapped and forced to write disclaimers on Thoughts! Please call police!
Special thanks in the production of this Thought should go to the City of Los Angeles, Ford Motor Company, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Ava Gabor, Ava Gardner, Eva Braun, Brawny paper towels, Bricky paper trowels, Jim Brickman, Jim Morrison, Van Morrison, Chevy Conversion Vans, Chevy Chase, Chase Manhattan Bank, Manhattan Island, Island of Lost Souls, Soul Train, Trainspotters, the writers of See Spot Run, Run Ronnie Run, Mr. Show, Showtime, Cinemax, Maximillian Schell, Shell Service Stations, International Space Station, International Trade Association, and free association.
That’s it. Thought over, man! Go home.