Although I possess what can only be described as one of the finest intellects in the world, I have to confess that I consider myself to be simply an average person. Average in an incredibly remarkable way, but average nonetheless.
As an average person, I have to say that I feel like I have missed the boat on a few things. As part of my job (I am the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court), I read the paper every morning in order to be fully up to speed on trends in the media, trends in the industry I work in, general news, and whether or not that crazy Garfield eats more lasagna. In recent months, there has been a great deal of coverage of President Bush’s proposed tax cut in the news, and I have followed it with interest.
However, I have noticed something somewhat unusual. Based on a pretty decent political science education and an overall awareness of what’s going on in the news, I have managed to discern the following details about President Bush’s proposed $1.6 trillion tax cut and now present them in the following chart:
- Details of President Bush’s $1.6 Trillion Tax Cut As Presented to the Average Man
- President Bush plans to cut taxes by $1.6 trillion.
Now, I have taken a lot of time to fully digest this information and have come up with the following conclusions:
- Conclusions Based on the Fact “President Bush plans to cut taxes by $1.6 trillion”
- President Bush plans to cut taxes by $1.6 trillion.
Ok, once again, a fairly straight-forward reading of the entire situation. However, in reading the papers and seeing what reporters are quoting the average man as saying, everyone else has reached different conclusions that are as follows:
- Conclusions Reached By Everyone Else Based on the Fact “President Bush plans to cut taxes by $1.6 trillion”
- Only the wealthy will benefit.
- Social Security will fall apart.
- The EPA will be funded by selling babies on the black market.
- Apes will rise up and take over the Earth.
- The Earth will crash into the sun.
So, what I am trying to determine then is what everyone else found that I missed. It seems like in order to conclude these things one would need more substantial details about the tax-plan. I find it difficult to believe that Joe Jenkins, a baker in Omaha, NE, has had a chance to sift through the entire tax plan to determine its effect on the wealthy vs. the middle class – not yet, anyway, Joe works hard.
The only conclusion I can get behind is the one that the Earth will crash into the sun. This, however, is a direct result of the Bush education plan and not the tax cut. That the tax cut could cause such a thing to happen is ludicrous.