This is a true story.
I was tending bar at a theater last night, and who should walk up but Rip Taylor.
Charles Elmer Taylor, born January 13, 1934 is a mid-grade celebrity with a stunning career playing a variety of roles (mostly named Himself) in movies and on television shows like The Kids In the Hall, The Ben Stiller Show, The Monkees, and Brotherly Love (where he outshone even the Lawrence brothers). He was also the well-known Various Voices on The Jetsons, and he looks a bit like the Wizard from the Wizard of Oz. His “bit”, as it is known in the comedy world, was to throw a bucket of “water” on an unwary victim only to discover that the “water” was confetti. Confetti! Brilliant! Truly a genius of our time.
Reminder, this is a true story.
Rip wanted a Diet Pepsi. I gave it to him. Rip wanted change for a ten-dollar bill. We weren’t charging for drinks that night, so I didn’t have any money besides what was in my tip cup. Turns out I had seven singles and a Sacajaweia coin. My heart was heavy, but I had to tell Rip I couldn’t accommodate him. “Well then,” he said, “give me change for this five.” Joyfully, I obliged him. He took his five singles, and with a graceful, limp-wristed fling he dropped one of the bills into my cup. I, with a graceful, limp-wristed fling, thanked him.
Once again, true story.
As Rip turned and began to sip his Diet Pepsi, he said, quite derisively I might add, “Well, if you had change for that ten, you would have gotten more.”
Well, if you had change for that ten, you would have gotten more
Then he winked and sauntered off.
The implications of this statement are staggering. First off, was he blaming me for not having more tip money? Was it a subtle dig at the way I handled the soda gun. Should I have practiced more? Improved my aim? I got it all in the cup, so I doubt that’s it. Perhaps he was implying that it was my fault the audience was so cheap. I suppose it could somehow be my fault, me being Jewish and all.
But that wink. That wink speaks volumes. Maybe he was trying to teach me a lesson. A lesson about risk versus reward. You have to spend more to make more. You have to give in order to receive. Only by chasing your dreams can you ever really capture them! True, I wouldn’t have had to lose anything to give him change for a ten. Ten one-dollar bills and one ten-dollar bill are equivalent amounts of money. But that’s not the point. The point is I learned a valuable lesson from Rip Taylor, recounted to you in this true story. I mean, Rip followed his dreams, and look where he is? He wasn’t going to work in any old coalmine or bootblack factory. He was destined to throw confetti on the unwary and skittish. And me, I’m destined to throw something, too.