Why will no one sit next to me on the bus? Why? There’s a whole seat right next to me. No one’s taking it. No one. Look, right there, that guy walked by this seat, to sit in a seat farther from the door over there.
What the hell’s wrong with this seat? What the hell’s wrong with me?
There’s nothing wrong with me. A-and here’s nothing wrong with the seat. The seat’s fine. No water on it. The upholstery’s fine. I’d even go so far as to say it’s a really nice-lookin’ seat. The springs are very bouncy. I’m quite comfortable. Someone else could be too.
Hold on, this girl looks… Jesus, why won’t anyone sit here?! This is incredible! Am I that repulsive? Am I emitting some sort of hideous odor? I can’t smell anything. Then again, perhaps I’ve lost the ability to sense my own odor. No, but there’s a guy two seats from me, and he doesn’t seem to smell anything.
Unless it’s really localized.
Wait, maybe this guy… unbelievable! He stopped, thought about it, and then chose to stand up rather than sit next to me. Who would stand when there’s a perfectly wonderful comfortable cozty little seat right here. What an asshole. What an incredible jerk, what a complete moron. What a total and utter cretin. What a- oh wait… oh, he’s got like a… a metal thing on his leg or some thing, some sort of brace. So I guess… well, OK, so he couldn’t sit, but that’s one exception, OK, one exception out of these 30 other people who can sit and just won’t sit next to me.
I’m never riding the bus again. This is so demeaning. Oh, I’m not perfect enough for you, woman in the red hat? My hair is to messy, so you won’t sit next to me? That it? Well, you can all go screw yourselves, baby, because you won’t have Porter Mason to kick around any more after we get to 10th St.
I’ll just never ride the bus again, and it’ll serve as a protest. I’m like Rosa Parks! I’m standing up for myself, and in doing so, I’m standing up for a group of people that have been pushed around for too long! I’ll never ride the bus again, and soon, the transit people will buckle under my boycott and force people to sit next to people like me when there’s a seat available. Soon, there will be revenge! Soon there will be justice! And as God as my witness, I will never g-
Oh, now, wait, now this girl sat next to me.
Hmm. Well. Anyway.