Why are people so old in Florida? Florida is such a great place for young people to live, yet whenever I think of Florida, I think of cataracts, retirement homes, and Geritol. Actually, whenever I think of Nupe I am reminded of cataracts, retirement homes and Geritol, but that is a whole other story. Actually, that story is more interesting, so let me talk about that for a second.
Okay, so this one time, Nupe and I were, like, walking down the street in New York, talking about world politics and cows when I saw this really old dude with three hot chicks on his arm. I mean, they were really HOT and they were ON his arm. When I say on his arm, I mean that they were, like, standing on his disproportionately strong right arm. It was a wicked sight.
So I turn to Nupe and say, “Dude, do you see that?” Nupe didn’t say anything because he was already galloping over to the old dude and the women (Nupe runs like a horse. It’s okay because horses run fast and running fast is cool).
So, like, Nupe gets to the old dude and says, “So, old dude, how do you get chicks?” The old dude didn’t respond but began, like, totally making out with the chicks. Yeah, I know, it was wicked cool.
So Nupe shot the guy.
It turns out that the chicks were easy and came home with us. We weren’t easy though, so we spent the whole night talking about world politics and cows with them. It was wicked cool. When morning finally arrived, the chicks, like, totally started making out with each other, but I had gone back to my apartment and Nupe was buying ALL laundry detergent. Actually, I made that last part up. What really happened is that the old dude came back from the dead, beat us up, took the girls, and moved to Hollywood to become a fashion advisor on E! (He changed his name to Joan Rivers). Nupe and I parted ways and both independently invented the Yo-Yo but didn’t get any royalties because it was already invented. So the moral of the story is: Old people live in Florida and Yo-Yos are wicked cool. Have a nice day.
Guest Columnist