A lot of people wonder where the names for states come from; well, I’m here to tell you. Feel free to read the whole list, or just scroll to your favorite states, whatever you want…yeah free will! If instead of etymologies you were actually looking for entomologies, I cannot help you for I hate bugs.
STATE ETYMOLOGIES (the first 25)
- Alabama – The secret word of the magician who founded the state before he switched over to “alakazama,” following a long and arduous legal battle with Emeril Lagasse.
- Alaska – When pioneers first found the land they decided to let the Inuit people choose a name for the state which they already called home. Frustrated by their inability to speak English, the pioneers finally declared, “I’ll ask ya one more time….” The inuit people could only repeat what they had heard, “I’ll ask ya.” The pioneers were satiated by the response, and a state was born.
- Arizona – A poet once described the place as a “zone of air,” only he translated everything into Italian and then back to English, so it became “air-a zone-a.” No one said he was a good poet.
- Arkansas – A dispute over whose Kansas it really was left the original settlers further south. Their rally cry became the state’s name.
- California – Early settlers went to the future and saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers album “Californiacation.” They realized it was related to fornication, and went back in time to shorten the name. They were silly though, because they had already seen the future and should have realized that the name of the album would be the same when they got back to the future. People from the past are so dumb.
- Colorado – When the first settlers, Shakespearean actors, found the state, they marveled at the splendor of colors, shouting, “Much ado about colors.” “Much” and “about” were removed and the remaining words were later rearranged for linguistic simplicity.
- Connecticut – Originally a safe-haven for “Connect-the-dots” playing outcasts from other states, a semantics confusion turned it into an etiquette school for cons. Classes included, “Shower Do’s and Don’ts” and “What to do when your smokes is gone.”
- Delaware – Riding his steed along-side his wife Dela, the first man to discover the state, Sir Scott, also discovered he had no pants. His first words upon finding the new place, were, “Dela, where are my pants.” The pants part was removed to reflect a broader epistemological query and the name was originally spelled, “Dela, where?”
- Florida – When the first settlers asked their children “What was up?” the children responded, “The sky.” Later interrogations yielded, “What’s going down?” the response to which was, “The floor, duh.” The last one was catchy; kids are good.
- Georgia – There was something on Ray Charles’s mind; the people listened.
- Hawaii – The first people here could only speak in questions, “Huh?” “Why?” “Eee?” It just makes sense.
- Idaho – The state went without a name until 19 aught 4 when the first beauty pageant was held. Apparently a local prostitute had entered the competition and the police seized her immediately. They were so touched by her short confession, that they used it as their state’s name, “I da ho.”
- Illinois – Founded by many sick Jews who in lamenting could only cry, “I’m illin’, oy!”
- Indiana – Diana was good at hiding things. If anyone ever lost anything and asked where it was, the new state’s name was always the answer.
- Iowa – Meant as collateral for an IOU to a former French king, the settlers did not have a good grasp for the alphabet. The state honors its history to this day by always replacing the letter “u” with a “w” and an “a.”
- Kansas – Distraught by how horribly people mispronounced the name of their town, inhabitants of Cannes in France shipped all the snotty Americans back to this state, and let them think it was France, therefore allowing them to say the place’s name with horrible mispronunciation.
- Kentucky – The sign on the state line honors its founders and reads, “He likes bluegrass and farms, he loves boys; it’s the original odd couple, Ken and Tucky.”
- Louisiana – Named for a French king….who was FRENCH! Zing!
- Maine – The original name was “Ancillary,” but they couldn’t deal with the self-abasement.
- Maryland – Many people think that the name must relate to the fact that it is land belonging or dedicated to some woman named “Mary”, but it’s actually for some mary named “Land.”
- Massachusetts – The originally intended name will never be known. As the first colonist set out to recite the name to his clerk, he sneezed in the middle. It probably would have been, “Massive” or “My assets” or “Suck it England.”
- Michigan – Because the first mich was so much fun.
- Minnesota – The official state drink is a carbonated beverage made with minnow syrup. It didn’t catch on, but the name did.
- Mississippi – These gracious southerners were considerate enough to bear the load for the great “s” surplus of 1896. The original name was “Miiippi.”
- Missouri – It was going to be Ms.Ouri, but Ouri would have none of that.
- click here for the last damn 25 states!