What is it about French people? They are just so much better than us Americans. Perhaps it is their wonderful pastries. Pastries that conjure up images of men in chef’s hats and aprons preparing all sorts of culinary delights. Maybe it is the ever-present five o’clock shadow. Five o’clock shadow that implies a sort of rustic charm. When I have five o’clock shadow it just implies I didn’t shave.
I don’t like the French.
It’s nothing personal.
I wasn’t too partial to the Huns, either.
The majority of French persons seem to be content to sit on their laurels while a small percentage of their countrymen secure their image in the eyes of the rest of the world.
Sure, some of them have fashion sense. Occasionally one of them comes out with a pantsuit that shakes things up in Paris. But do we Americans get to immediately enjoy this wondrous new garment? No freakin’ way. Six months go by, and then finally the pantsuit makes it over here. (Invariably, all French pantsuits get into trouble with customs and have to take a row boat across the Atlantic, hence the six month delay.)
All right, fine, a few guys named Pierre or Perrie make a good bottle of wine. But while these men are toiling every day in the fields, taking care of the vines, the rest of the country is content to drink it all up while they munch on Big Macs at McDonalds and make fun of stupid American culture.
I think the key lies in their accent. Which would you respond to: “Hi, my name is Sam. Can I buy you a drink?” or “Ah want teu mahk lufe teu ewe. Leefe your boyfrahnd, bah me dinnair for ah am unemploeid, and comb bahk to mah apartmont whar we wehl get fleas frum tha dirteh floor ah call mah bed.” It’s no wonder women swoon at that. I myself got a little woozy just writing it.
I believe we would be doing them a service if we came together as a nation and threatened to attack France. Not actually go through with it, but we’d threaten, they’d surrender, and they will have been put back in their place. Besides, it would give us an excuse to go over there and see what all the fuss is about. We could even bring back some croissants.