We apologize for the interruption and we now return you to Court TV’s presentation of “The Adventures of Stevie Playground, District Attorney”:
Stevie Playground: Well there you have it everyone, Mr. Danielson has admitted his guilt. This trial is over.
Judge: Wait, I’m sorry I don’t understand. Could the Court Reporter please read back the transcript?
Court Reporter: Mr. Playground said to the defendant, “ifyou’reguiltysaywhat” in a fast and rushed pace. The defendant responded by saying “what?” Mr. Playground then repeated the question at the same fast speed with the same response from the defendant.
Defense Attorney: Objection, your Honor!
Judge: Sustained.
Stevie Playground: Fine then. Mr. Danielson could you please tell me the name of the first single off of the Dave Matthews Band album Everyday?
Danielson: Well, I don’t see why this is relevant. Umm, I Did It.
Stevie Playground: Oh, I think it’s very relevant. You just admitted your guilt! Case closed. This trial is over.
Defense Attorney: Objection.
Judge: Sustained.
Stevie Playground: Try as you will, you cannot sway me from my task! Mr. Danielson, could you please tell me who I am?
Danielson: Uh, you’re Steven Playground, the District Attorney.
Stevie Playground: Your honor, as we established at the beginning of Mr. Danielson’s testimony, I am rubber and he is glue. Whatever he says, bounces off of me and sticks to him. As a result, he has just stated on the record that he is Steven Playground. That is, of course impossible as I am Steven Playground as you can see here on my Driver’s License. Mr. Danielson is guilty of perjury and also of murder. Thank you very much. This trial is over.
Defense Attorney: Objection…
Judge: Sustained.
Stevie Playground: Mr. Danielson, am I right or wrong in saying that you did not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not not kill your wife Anne Danielson?
Defense Attorney: Objection.
Judge: Sustained. Mr. Playground, I will not permit anymore of this ridiculous questioning.
Stevie Playground: Well, in that case I’ll just submit to the court this video from the house’s security cameras.
The video is played. Danielson is clearly seen stabbing his wife while exclaiming “HAHAHA! It is I, Rick Danielson killing my wife Anne Danielson with this butcher knife!”
Danielson: The security cameras! How could I forget the damn security cameras!
Stevie Playground: This trial is over!