My name is Scott Hecker, and I have a sock color problem.
I’ve never really shared this with anyone before, and it’s hard for me to admit it. You may not think it’s that big a deal, but trust me. I’ve wasted many frustrating hours of my life dealing with it.
Let me set the scene for you:
It’s 8am, and I’m getting dressed for work…OK it’s actually 9am. I don’t have to be at work til 9:30, but I didn’t want to make you feel bad.
Anyway, it’s 9am, and I’m getting dressed for work. I’m wearing a light blue shirt, khaki pants, and a navy blue sweater. Of course I’m wearing a brown belt and brown shoes because we all know you can’t wear a black belt or black shoes with a blue shirt and sweater. It’s just not done.
Here’s where the problem begins. I now have to find blue, not black, socks to wear. In my head, I know I have about 70 pairs of blue socks. Then I open the damn sock drawer, my personal hell on Earth. All the socks are the same color. Blue, black, doesn’t matter. They all look the same to me.
I get out four pairs of socks. I’m holding them up against my blue bedsheets.
They look black. These must be black.
Just to make sure I hold them up to my black leather chair.
Now they look blue. Why must they torment me so? I hear them taunting me:
“We’re bl…ACK. No, blue. No, black. Woohaha! You’ll never know the truth!”
Damn you socks! Damn you to hell!
Not able to face the problem alone, I ask my roommate for help:
“Those are definitely blue…or black. Uh, I’m not sure.”
I begin approaching random people on the street:
Blue or black? Blue or black?!
I realize that unless I fix this problem, I’m not going to have to worry about whether my socks are blue or black. Sooner or later they’d all have to be white in order to match the straight jacket.
My solution?
I now wear one blue sock and one black sock. That way when people look at me, they go crazy trying to figure out what color socks I’m wearing. I’m no longer alone! Now everyone must deal with my affliction!
HAHAHAHAHA!!!