Boy, I sure wouldn’t want to be Osama bin Laden right now.
This weekend, President Bush signed legislation freezing terrorist assets in the United States and effectively cutting off a huge portion of his funding. I bet that guy is pretty sorry now.
I can just see him there in Afghanistan. Maybe he takes some of his terrorist friends out to the local Olive Garden, and he’s being a big deal, treating everyone to the bottomless pasta bowl. And they’re all, “We love you Osama! Thanks for all the para-military training! And the pasta!” And he’s thinking he’s all bad ass.
But then this snooty British waiter comes over with his Visa debit card and says, “I’m sorry, Mr. bin Laden, but your assets have been frozen by the United States.” And then everyone in the restaurant is staring at him, and he realizes that he doesn’t have any cash and that they’ll probably make him wash dishes or something and this snooty waiter is looking at him, you know, like he’s just dirt on the bottom of a shoe.
Yeah, I’ll bet he’s sorry now.
Although, to be fair, he’ll be even more sorry the next time he tries to find a Holiday Inn to host his “Terrorism: Look What’s In It for You” seminar and reception. There are probably not a lot of countries looking to host that little shin-dig anymore.
And he’ll also be sorry when U.S. Special Forces troops storm his mountain camp and bring his sorry, hate-filled ass to justice.
After all: Freezing U.S. terrorist assets, $300 million. Wiping terrorism off the face of the earth, priceless.