Porter’s birthday was this past weekend. I’m in Florida, so I couldn’t make it. I hear it was a great time, though. Folks went out to a bar. Folks got rowdy. And in nine months Porter will be a father (for the third straight year). After discussing the reasons behind this with John, it turns out that the adoption laws in New York take about that long to work themselves out. As for Porter’s reasons…well, let’s just take a gander at his track record of what he does when drunk:
Granted we can’t blame him for these mistakes (he’s a very good father, in fact), but it takes all of the suprise out of what you should get him for a gift. For the past three years I’d given him socks, diapers, and a shovel. This year, I figured I’d go to the Sharper Image and get him a cool little ‘Supply and Demand’ Kit that’s been really popular recently. I would have, too, but the darn store was out of them. Anyways, I wanted to give Porter something special this year. To figure out what to get Porter ain’t easy either. Look at this website for poop’s sake! Look at his page! He is T.J. Monkey’s! This thing gets updated every day (unless he’s out at a Weezer concert), and most of the time it’s he who writes. It’s not a selfish thing either. The rest of us don’t write enough to fill in (and our egos don’t like having our Thoughts published on the weekend), so Porter happily fills in the empty days.
So what am I saying? Well, I guess its that I feel like Porter has given all the beneficiaries of this site (readers, other writers, and Lorne Michaels) a whole lot that he doesn’t get enough credit for. So that’s one thing that I want to give Porter for his birthday: An All Porter Top 10. But I can’t give him that alone. So, do what I’m gonna do: vote a whole turd-load for Porter’s thoughts. I figure it’s a better way than just voting for this Thought cuz this should be all about him.
You can still vote for this Thought, though. You know, if you thought that socks and shovel bit was funny.