Ever have a life changing experience? I bet you know what I mean. You know, like when you’re out on a nice summer weekend, sitting out in a park. And everybody’s out there, sitting around too, just sitting around, basking in the sun, lazing around. And you’re feeling good, you know, you’re feeling happy.
You’re a single guy, you know, so you’re checking out the ladies. Stealing a few looks. Making a few casual glances. Making some “bedroom” eyes. Or maybe even just some “let’s go see a movie” eyes. Or at the very least some “let’s go out to a safe lunch and I’ll talk about movies a little to much, and you’ll never call me again except to get the number of my good looking friend who we ran into during our walk home” eyes.
So you’re making eyes. You’re living life. You’re out on God’s green earth, doing what’s natural, you know? Checking out chicks. Thinking about all the crazy things you could do, being the crazy single guy that you are. You think about what you want out of a woman, out of a relationship. And you think, right now, what you want is one thing: fun. You want to have a good time. You want torrid affairs. You want exciting nights. You look at these women around this park, in their tank tops, in their short shorts, and you see one thing: opportunity to have lots of cheap, meaningless sex. And you think, that’s OK with you, and you think, you’ve got life figured out pretty well.
And then, something strange occurs.
You look to the right. You see a young family having a picnic. Two kids. One a toddler. One a baby. The picture of happiness. The picture of contentment. The picture of fulfillment. Your eyes start to well up.
You see them there, sitting on their blanket, having their picnic. You see that young father, not too much older than you, and you look into his eyes, and you see that he has so much more than you, that he’s so much more at peace than you. And at first, it’s just a nebulous feeling, you don’t know why you suddenly feel so empty.
And then it hits you. Like a ton of bricks. You look at him sitting there, having his picnic with his family. Playing with his kids. And you think about your devil-may-care, playboy attitude. And you realize how you’re wasting your life. You’re throwing it all away. What a fool you’ve been. And it’s right there in front of you the whole time, right there in that family picnic. And you never knew it. But now you get it, and you know what you have to do.
You gather your things. You stand up. And you leave that park. And you leave knowing exactly what you need now. You leave behind your old lifestyle in that park. And you know exactly what your goal in life should now be:
To start a multinational corporation that markets and sells collectible picnic baskets.
Because of course, after you become a big corporate CEO, you know, you can probably have lots more cheap, meaningless sex. “Yeah,” you think. “I’ve got it all figured out now. Hey, I wonder if ‘Real Sex 5′ is on again tonight? That piece about the bondage cruise ship is really priceless. Oh, hey, I still have that leftover Chinese food I can eat for dinner! Bitchin’!” Bitchin’ indeed, my friend. When you’re strong enough to make life changing decisions like you’ve just done, life is bitchin’ indeed….