If you ever reproduce, give your child a simple first name. And above all, do not make your child’s first name the entire lyrics to the birthday song.
If you do, observe what would happen at his first birthday party:
YOU: OK, everybody, let’s sing happy birthday!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dearHappy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dearHappy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dearHappy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dearHappy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday dearHappy birthday to you!
Happy birthday to you!
Happy birthday…(we cut to fifteen centuries later)
OLIVER: Reginald! My fellow archaelogist! Look! Amongst the anchient rubble of this ‘Chuck-E-Cheese’, there’s dozens of almost perfectly intact skeletons! Children and adults! I say, this is quite a find, old chap. And also, they seem to… well, call me crazy, Reg, but from how their bones are laying here, I’d have to say… they seem to have died singing!
Yes. I know. It’s a grisly tale. Made all the more grisly by the fact that apparently, in fifteen centuries, the British will once again rise and dominate the field of archaelogy. (shudder)
So, in conclusion, I think it would be best if you didn’t reproduce.
Thank you.