I was filing things in my filing cabinet the other day. Tuesday, actually. I often file things in the filing cabinet because of its name.
I put in various papers into the various folders I had labeled with various labels: the phone bill went in “bills”, the credit card statement went in “credit card statements”, the GAP catalog went in “old GAP catalogs, January 1997 – December 2000”, the membership card for Anal Retentive Filers of America went in “Misc.”, and then suddenly… I hit a roadblock (figuratively).
It was the receipt that I received when I had purchased the filing cabinet. I had no proper folder to put it in, and I felt it too important to throw into the chaos that is the “Misc.” folder. I could create a new folder, but what would I call it? “Filing cabinet”? How could I possibly have a folder called filing cabinet in a filing cabinet?!
It would be a paradox! A recursive nightmare! A potential rip in the logical fabric of the Universe that could potentially cause the downfall of our society and perhaps all life! And it would just be really weird!
What to do, what to do? I thought about it a little, and then I stood up and said aloud (so my speech would be heard in case my room is bugged, which I fear/hope it is): “Porter Mason, now is not the time to wallow in cowardice and self-doubt! There’s filing to do! If a new folder be created that will bring about Doomsday than so be it! They’ll never say that Porter Mason wasn’t a risktaker, a carefree soul, a devil-may-care madman with boyish good looks and unprecedented charm! They’ll only say he knew what it was to breath deep the essence of Life and that he was a hell of a filer. Now! Onward! To create…. the “filing cabinet” folder!”
And so I went to my desk to get out a new folder, but I didn’t have any! Terror! Horror! A life of regret!
Then I remembered the “receipts” folder, and I put it in there.
To this date, the Universe has not collapsed. But be on the lookout.