Economics. You know, I often hear that word thrown around a lot in mixed conversation, but who among us really knows much about it? Economics. I bet you’ve even said it yourself a few times at a party or something:
“Your check bounced? Hmm, I know a bit about Economics, allow me to have a look….”
“Fish and red wine? No, no, Harry, that’s bad for the Economics.”
“You’re gonna be late? Shit, man, then Economics that shit up!”
Yes, it’s a popular word, especially with the hipster crowd, and yes, it’s quite misunderstood. But no longer.
Economics. Economics. The first noticeable thing is that it’s a science-y word, like Physics or Dianetics. Now, those of you “Word-o-philes” out there probably recognize the suffix “-ics” appears in all three of these words. “-ics” comes from the ancient language of the Greeks, and it means “will be studied in a science-type manner.” For example, Physics breaks down to phys-ics, or phonetically: fizz-ics. So Physics literally means “fizz will be studied in a science-type manner.” And that’s exactly what Physics is: the study of little atoms and stuff fizzing around all over the place.
So, Economics: Eco-nom-ics. “Eco” here stands for “Ecco the Dolphin,” which was a video game on the Sega Genesis. “Nom” is French for “name.” So then, Economics literally means: “the game’s name will be studied in a science-type manner.” And what’s the name of the game? Money! Cash! Bucks! Yes, Economics is the study of money. It’s the study of where all the money is, where it’s all going, and who’s moving it. And it’s loads of fun.
Economics has two basic principles:
Supply.
Supply, in terms of Economics, is short for Air Supply (just like ‘Tallica is short for Metallica). Air Supply was an Australian band in the Seventies and Eighties that wrote a lot of really sappy, really cheesy Soft Pop songs. Inexplicably, their albums were huge successes, many of them going multi-platinum. They sold millions of albums and made millions of dollars. The bizarre thing is, these days, no one seems to like Air Supply. No one has the albums. Not even old people. You don’t even really find them at used record stores. So the question is…where the hell are all these millions of albums? Who bought them? That’s what Economics tells you.
Demand.
Demand, in terms of Economics, represents the phrase, “you the man,” oft-uttered at golf tournaments and wedding rehearsal dinners. Demand is a slurred version of “The Man.” The Man, as far as Economics goes (which is what the focus of this piece is, Economics), is the guy who has the most money. If some guy has more stuff than anyone else, he’s Demand. Now, this can actually be money, like dollar bills and Sacajawea gold coins, or it can be liquid assets, like molten gold. Who is Demand? How did he get all this stuff? That’s what Economics tells you.
Now, Economics teaches us that Supply and Demand are totally intertwined. This is because Demand owns a lot of Supply albums. Why? Well, because Demand just has so much stuff; he just has a lot of everything. Also, Demand likes power ballads. OK, so when Demand is down, that means he’s not feeling really happy, maybe because his stockpile of molten gold solidified into a lame shape. Now, historically, Demand has a tendency to listen to really sappy, cheesy music when he’s down. Music like Air Supply. Thus, when Demand is down, Supply is usually up. Now when Demand is high, that’s when he’s had a lot of marijuana (and this is really good marijuana because, well, because he’s Demand). When Demand is high, he has a tendency to listen to crappy music and think it’s awesome (this is how Phish became so poular). Thus, when Demand is high, Supply is also usually up.
So basically, Supply is always up whenever Demand is down or high. Supply is down whenever Demand is remotely lucid and also right after a new Superdrag album comes out. Demand loves Superdrag. Demand is up when Supply is touring, and they make a stop in his hometown. But Demand is low if the Supply show is a stadium show because Demand remembers the good ol’ days when he saw Supply in a shitty, little bar in Virginia, and they still cared about their fans.
This all make sense? Well, it shouldn’t! You’re not a trained Economist. But if you found this at all interesting, maybe you could be! Then, the next time you’re at a party, and you hear someone say,
“Hey, this chocalate mousse it totally Economics!”
You can say,
“That’s not the proper use of the word, moron! It means ‘the study of money.’ Sheesh.”
And then someone else at the party will say,
“Wow, that guy’s got his shit together.”
And then someone else will say,
“Yeah…he’s Demand.”