In some regions of the county, remarkable men and women are honored with plaques, statues, or streets. In other regions, they are honored with parks, mountains, or forests. In New Jersey, they honor you with a rest stop.
That’s right, a rest stop; a roadside oasis of food, fuel, and invisible ink activity books. Right on the New Jersey Turnpike, part of I-95, that vital American artery from Maine to Florida. And how efficient to make the rest stop into a functional monument. New Jerseyans are busy people, but unlike their New York cousins, they still care. They want to honor our great leaders, but not if it cuts into pedicure time. They want to honor achievements in science, but not if there’s some guy to beat up. So now, problem solved. Only the best New Jersyites can have a pedicure or beat a guy up while driving.
I’ve heard that the rest stops in New Jersey are named after famous people because they’re the best things in New Jersey. Well, this is just not so. I mean, have you been to the Short Hills mall? I mean, come on here people. And Short Hills isn’t even a guy. It’s a town. And not even a famous one.
I’ve also heard that the rest stops in New Jersey are named after famous people because they are the most frequently visited spots in New Jersey. Untrue. Second most frequently visited spots, after the Short Hills mall.
So, whilst coasting down the Turnpike, why not pick up a smoothie from TCBY at the Molly Pitcher Rest Stop (exit 72 – southbound only) and think about all the thirsty soldiers she helped. What better way is there to honor Thomas Alva Edison than to buy a snickers bar from a machine he probably invented (exit 94 – southbound only). You can have your car filled with super unleaded and take a minute to remember the spiritual gas Woodrow Wiilson’s leadership gave this country during WWI (exit 59 – northbound only). Speak a verse of Walt Whitman’s beautiful poetry while picking up a classic Bon Jovi album at the gift shop (ext 29 – southbound only). Think about whatever the hell John Fenwick did over a Big Boy Burger (exit 8 – northbound only). Then get your ass out of New Jersey, just in case you do something remarkable by accident.