This acting biz? It’s a tough biz, you know what I mean? I thought that once I got my foot through the door it’d be pretty easy, but that isn’t the case at all. I know, it’s hard to believe. After all, I’m Chester Higgs, third runner-up from the hit reality series “Help, I’m a Big Brother trying to be a Survivor on this Temptation Island filled with Moles so I can win it all and people could then call me Joe Millionaire.” I should have it made: TV, movies, Kabuki Theater, the works!
But here’s the problem: I go to auditions and people only want to see me play Chester Higgs, the whiny and slightly nerdy librarian from Boston. Yes, that was the character I played on the show. And yes, it happens to be the same character that I play on the great stage that we call life. But can’t you see that I have more to offer than that one character? Can’t you see the talent oozing out of my pores, making my hands clammy and staining the underarms of my shirt with talent?
You see, in the Entertainment Industry there’s no greater danger for an actor than being typecast, stuck with one character and a limited amount of scripts that happen to include that character. No matter how great that character is (and Chester Higgs is a great character) there will only be so many scripts that fit that character. And when you age, what happens then? Does the character age? Not if it wants to be true to the character! The long and the short of it is that typecasting is a dangerous thing. If nothing else, just look at what it did to Jerry Seinfeld’s career.
Look America, you’ve fallen in love with Chester Higgs and I don’t blame you. But instead of seeing Chester Higgs do a commercial for Jerry’s Discount Sofas, wouldn’t you rather see me play Chrissy, the man-hating valley girl?
“Oh my gosh, like, I like totally like like Jerry’s Discount, like, Sofas. Just, like, don’t let any, like awful men on them. Cuz I like, hate men. Like totally.”
I know you asked to have Chester Higgs participate in your annual Fourth of July Four-mile run, but wouldn’t you rather have Blacktooth, the celery- eating pirate?
“Arrr, this running be hard on me peg-leg! Arr! But this be tasty celery me matey! Arr!
As inspirational as Chester Higgs is, I’d sure as heck rather see Tuk- Tuk, the mute Eskimo.
(sign language) “I am cold.”
If you help me out now by casting me in more interesting roles, I promise to make it worth your while when I become fabulously rich as well as fabulously famous.