I’m moving soon, so recently I’ve been scouring the Internet for apartment listings in the City. I’ve read the little info blurb about how nice the place is, etc., but there always seems to be something not quite right.
This time, however, I might have found just the spot. I came across this posting on one of the many sites I’ve been checking, and it sounds pretty good:
BEST APARTMENT EVER!!!
Real 2-bedroom, third floor walkup, near EVERYTHING!!!
Pets: allowed. Children: allowed. Loud orgies and/or animal sacrifice: ALLOWED! Landlord very understanding.
NO FEE. Hell, NO RENT!!! Just come hang out, grab a spot and move your stuff in. Doesn’t matter how many people or how much stuff. This place is absolutely HUGE.
Amenities include: EXPSD BRK, EIK, W/D, D/W (who’s name is Ted), W/D, LBJ, JFK, AOL, AOK, LAX, SSN, CNN/Time Warner.
You won’t find a better deal ANYWHERE IN THE HISTORY OF APARTMENT RENTING!
Additional information: landlord is Satan. Yep, that Satan. The Prince of Darkness…no, wait, that’s Ozzy Osbourne…your landlord is the full-on King of Darkness. No princes here. My mistake.
Oh, and as the ad said previously, there is no rent per se, but you do have to sign over your immortal soul.
Damn, that one was so close. I guess I’ll just have to keep looking.
There’s no way I’m living in a third floor walkup…