On June 27, 2002 I published the original “On A Fun Thing” with my exciting suggestion to make this country more exciting through the magic of middle names. The women who went out on that date and conceived children for the express purpose of implementing my plan are now in their third trimester. It’s my assumption that people these days all name their babies before they’re pregnant. That’s the only reasonable explanation for my not running into all sorts of babies with the middle name “Comma” or “Effin.” Believe me, I run into lots of babies. The things are just never looking where they’re going. And neither am I.
So, to all of you pregnant women out there and the little bundles of witty naming inside of you, let me just say that I think we’re all pretty excited for you. Now the last thing I wanna do is complicate things with another naming option, but when you come up with a truly brilliant idea you can’t ignore it, even if it’s the third time. That’s the only thing in common between truly brilliant ideas and irritating rashes. Right? Right. Kick butt.
Now my newest middle name is kind of cool because it still allows for some creativity on your part. Also, it plays on two things which are very hip right now: nicknames and quotation marks. So the new middle name is this: “the something something” as in Jeff “the something something” Jeffson. Obviously instead of something something you’d put it in your own words. Right? Right. Kick butt.
Now, for you less creative types I’ve come up with a few stock examples:
- “The Pain Train”
- “The House of Hurt”
- “The Violent Viking”
- “The Cuddly Blanket”
- “The Annihilating Eater of the Innocents”
Now I just came up with those off the top of my head and they all share that kind of intimidation theme. Nonetheless, I invite you all to make up your own. Don’t let the sports media be the ones to label how your child will be known. Take it into your own hands. And that will be a fun thing. Right? Right. Kick butt.