Alright, well the last thing I want to do is confuse you with a lot of options or anything, but I couldn’t help but notice that there wasn’t a huge swell of support for my giving everybody the middle name “Comma.” Now, to be sure most T.J. Monkey’s readers aren’t just running around impregnating and being impregnated so it’ll obviously take time for the plan to take effect. Nonetheless, I was hoping that I might receive via email at least some pledges. I mean, it’s just that I had all these tote bags ready to send out and now I don’t know what to do with them. There’s really only so much toting that one man needs to do.
This thought consequently is for the people who want to give their kids middle names in witty Bret-inspired ways but don’t want the confusion of the “Comma” situation. The emotional reactions to the new middle name will be much simpler.
At first when people hear that your son’s name is John Effin Davis, they’ll say “Hmmm, is that a family name?” To which you’ll reply, “No, what can we say that’s just John Effin Davis” and upon hearing it this second time the person will realize that censored curse words are being used in a Mamet-esque style and everybody will have a good laugh, except John who will just roll his eyes. But then again teens are so difficult no matter what you name them.
Don’t worry, I will continue to look for more and more interesting possibilities for the middle name. As a middle child myself, there’s a certain kinship I share with the middle one. The first is always exciting and special. The last gets doted on. The middle is sometimes forgotten and occasionally associated with the mother’s maiden name.
My thanks to my two brothers for our conversation that spawned this thought and to the New York Mets whose incredible incompetency made that conversation both possible and necessary.