Sometimes in the pursuit of the “hot scoop” or the “big story” we get a little “carried away.” We don’t “realize” the immense personal toll that our words might have “on” people. Although we research with as much accuracy as possible every item that goes into our stories, some things, by virtue of the sheer volume we produce, slip through the cracks.
In the interests of journalistic integrity, T. J. Monkeys would like to issue the following corrections:
Rick Lazio was accidentally misquoted in our last issue. He did not describe Hillary Clinton as a “crazed bitch in heat,” but as a “worthy opponent.” Our apologies to Mr. Lazio and Mrs. Clinton.
The Walt Disney company has never – to our knowledge – been involved in plots to assasinate the Queen of England. Nor have any of it’s subsidiaries. Except possibly New Line – we’re looking into it. Our apologies to the Walt Disney company. Except New Line – you watch your back.
We recently ranked the orange line as “the safest subway line for women travelling alone after 10 PM.” We meant to say, “the most dangerous subway line for women travelling alone after 10PM.” Our apologies for any inconvenience and/or homicides this may have caused.
In an editorial we described Governor Pataki as “the best thing to happen to this state since sliced-bread.” After this story ran, several alert readers wrote in to remind us about the Sliced-Bread Murders several years back – thus rendering our comparison ambiguous at best. We really do like Pataki. Our apologies to Governor Pataki.
Our recent expose on criminals who dress as Girl Scouts, knock on your door, and then kill you and take your stuff advised readers to “shoot first, ask questions later.” As cookie season rolls around, we ask readers to reconsider that course of action. Our apologies to the Girl Scouts of America. We also regret referring to the Girl Scouts as a group of “uniformed, para-military thugs.”
A recent story about the collapse of a church in downtown Chicago ended with the phrase, “So where’s your God NOW?!” We apologize to 75% of the world.
In October, our science editor described Gerber baby products as “capable of causing instant death upon consumption.” That may have been slightly inaccurate. We apologize to the Gerber Company.
To our knowledge, Bette Midler has never knowingly consumed human blood. Our apologies to Bette Midler if any comments on our part were misconstrued.
Thank you for your understanding.