If I were Godzilla, I would not go and bust up cities at random all the time. What I would do is, I would lay low most of the time, down in the depths of the ocean. Hang out. Eat right. Get in shape.
Then, see, whenever I was low on funds, I would go toward a city, look mean enough to get some media attention, and then say to the city in question, “Hey, I could seriously bust up your city right now. I’m fit, I’m healthy, and I’m impervious to your tanks and bombs. But if you were to pay me a set amount every month over the next 15 years, or a lump sum right now, I’ll agree to not attack your city, now or anytime over the period of the next 35 years, providing you agree to the terms outlined in the contract I have faxed you.”
And I would have a friend be faxing that contract just when I said this. I think it would have a really great effect, make me look really professional, and give me a real competitive advantage once we got into contract negotiations. And you have got to have an edge like that when negotiating a contract, or else you can really get taken for a ride.
Now, there are tons of cities in the world, so this sort of thing could be a revenue stream for a good long time. You just have to spread out your threats, pick cities based on their visibility and wealth, and invest the money you make in large-cap, blend mutual funds, and probably buy some bonds. Oh, and every once in a while, maybe actually bust a city up a little, just so everyone knows you still can.
My overhead would be ridiculously low, and I’d have no employees really, just that fax-guy, so I could self-incorporate. And that fax-guy could seriously just be a friend who helped me out, and then I’d pay him under-the-table to avoid the many insurance headaches that come along with forming any small business (you got medical/dental, unemployment, disability: it’s all a real mess).
Plus, when those other monsters attacked cities, I wouldn’t just immediately go and fight them. I mean, it’s not like I’m not doing that for my health, you know? I’m providing a service to city I’m helping. I’d make myself available to fight Mothra or Barugon or any of them. They would always know how to get in touch with me if need be, but I’d want an agreement through which I am hired as an independent contractor, and I set out a clear hourly rate and some reasonable concessions (like if the battle lasted outside the hours of a normal business day, I’d get time and a half, etc).
I would also sue the Japanese goverment, as I believe it was their nuclear testing that originally caused my mutation and has caused serious stress and hardship to me over the years. Or maybe it was the American goverment. Either way I would file a civil suit against whoever did the testing, and most likely get a seriously phat settlement.
Yeah, if I were Godzilla, I could really be making some major dough. As it stands, the guy has made some really terrible IRA choices; he won’t be able to retire for another few hundred years. But, you know, he does what he wants, I guess. I mean, he’s got great market penetration and brand recognition, but terrible credit and a reputation as someone who’s “difficult to work with.” And it’s that last part that really prevents him from reaching his financial goals.
I mean, Godzilla: I know you’re a deadly, unpredictable, fire-breathing monster… but that doesn’t mean you have to do business like one.