I love my desk calendar because it allows me to imagine each morning that I am violently tearing all memory of yesterday out of existence and throwing it in the garbage, hidden away beneath piles of coffee grinds and sandwich crusts.
Because yesterday always sucks! Today’s the day for me!
Because I drank too much coffee yesterday! And made too many sandwiches improperly! I mean, for God’s sake, I like crusts!
But today… today’s gonna be great. And this little Family Circus cartoon on today’s calendar page is a testament to that.
Yes, Billy! You set Jeffy straight! You speak truth to power! Barfy the dog is not a golder retriever, he’s an “elaborador”! Ha ha!
Wait, what? That’s hardly even a joke. What does that even mean? Family Circus is so God awful.
Now I feel grumpy and sleepy. Time to have more coffee. At least 23 cups.
And why not make a sandwich or two? That’ll cheer me up. Let me use my mnemonic device to remember whether or not I like crusts:
A crust in need is a crust indeed.
Augh! What does that mean? Do I need crusts? Should I not need them!? “Indeed”?!
Well, it’s 9:37am. And today is already ruined. At least, in 22 hours, this calendar will give me another fresh start. Or… will it just ruin another day? Oh God… I’ll never break free of this cycle… I’m spiraling into depression one ripped-off page at a time…
But anyway, thank you, Aunt Caroline, for the lovely birthday gift. I hope Uncle Paul is well.
Love, Porter