Often when I’m sitting in a bar drinking a coke people will ask me whether or not I drink. I respond of course that no, I don’t drink alcohol. “No drugs?” No drugs. Then, to explain myself, I tell the person that I get high on life. “Haha,” they’ll say and laugh off my plea for help.
They don’t know how bad my addiction’s gotten.
I can’t get through the day without life. I need it all the time. Heck I’m doing some life even as I’m writing this right now. I just can’t stop. I’m always on life and I’m always high.
It’s starting to affect the way I function. I have the munchies a lot-often between meals or just while I’m watching TV. I can just sit there on the couch munching away because I’m all high and stuff.
Oh man, there I go. Speaking all vague like that-just like the doped up kid you know I am. There’s other stuff too. I get flashbacks. Yeah, somebody’ll just be talking about something and then suddenly that’ll make me think of something from my life from years back. Bam! I’m haunted constantly by these symptoms of my addiction that my counselor refers to as memories.
So please, I’m desperate here. I can’t go on living like this. Nobody’s helping me out. There’s no twelve step programs or patches for life. No man. And so sometimes I feel like killing myself is the only way out. Cuz seriously, those munchies-rough stuff.